This morning I desire to write about the Red-tailed Hawk (Hawk). I have observed this Class of Bird from the commencement of my awareness. This is relatively a short period, when compared to my existence in this human form. No, there was no judgment in my aforementioned statement! :)

Taking a moment to reflect back in time, I am presented with empirical data that suggests my conscious noticing of the Hawk(s) was often during, or perhaps following, events in which I experienced difficult emotions centered in separation, such as (but not limited to) sadness, feeling down, alone, abandoned, empty, despair, and lost. Questioning my purpose, my existence, and even question my higher power (ever think and/or say this one: “Where are you?”; “Show me a sign!”, etc.), which I shall call God (other familiar identifiers include nature, the Universe, etc.).

The last example above related to questioning God, “Show me a sign!”, is an awesome DEMAND, to spend a moment writing about. My God is a God of Love, not the God of fear that I often hear about. God knows that the difficult feelings I experience in a particular moment are symptomatic of something else going on, deep inside my Being. Illusionary or not, the feelings appear to exist in actuality to me in the moment. To date, I have yet to die of a difficult emotion that I have experienced, even though I can think of two instances where I thought this could/would occur.  Therefore, God has yet to provide a lesson to me in a form or method in which I could not learn or master.   A Proverb, or saying, comes to mind:

“Smooth waters do not make a skilled sailor!” –(I am not sure of the author of this proverb)

Getting back to ‘Demands’ from God! The first conscious, awareness I recall having around the Hawk followed a demand of God in 2009.  I was alone, standing on a balcony, overlooking the splendor of the Napa Valley, in St. Helena.  Surrounded by nature, I cried out of God to show me a sign of his existence.  I am very mindful of using the word ‘want’ in lieu of ‘need’; however, in this moment, I believed  I needed a sign. “SHOW ME THAT I AM NOT ALL ALONE!” I cried out. Leaning forward, squeezing the iron out of the railing that separated my concrete balcony from the gentle, swift breeze that accompanies the third floor elevation, I physically felt the occurrence of air displacement as a Red-tailed Hawk screamed vertically. This magnificent Raptor was completely perpendicular to the earth, from my vantage point, wings spread; almost motionless in body, yet soaring upward on perhaps God’s whisper. The Hawk was so close to me I could have leaned forward and grabbed his wings; we were that close! (Doubtful the Hawk could have taken my 240 LBs (108.86 KG) frame for a ride; though God could (this experiment will not be performed!). I stood in wonder watch the spectacular show of the Hawk performing concentric circles overhead for the next 20 minutes.

The point of my sharing this experience is that I had asked for a sign, and received it! I called out requesting, no, demanding something in that moment.  I believe my answer was not in response to my demand, but more of a ‘calling my bluff/cards’! That is, “OK Stephen, I am going to CALL you…here you go! Now I am going to RAISE you (think Poker) one!” The answers or messages I receive in such states are more than to just let me know everything is OK, the way it should be, through materialized presences, or when I am exhibiting a different level of awareness, through an interspecies communicated message. Much more than this! It is the ‘answering the call’ by ‘calling me to answer’!

Other Hawk encounters include providing guidance and comfort while visiting my biological father’s grave site, for the first time. On Friday, 1 July 2012, two days after learning 1) my biological father was in Washington and 2) he had died in 1986, I had driven from Sacramento, California, to Winlock, Washington, to make peace, find comfort, and offer forgiveness to a man who I have no memory of. As I turned right onto a gravel road that led to the cemetery, I stopped the car. My Spirit energy was low; maybe on empty. Although I didn’t know it at the time, my inner guide knew I needed to connect with Source and ‘fill up’! Praying with my dear confidant, we asked for love, guidance, and protection, for what lie ahead. “Not my will, but thy will, be done!” Concluding the prayer and meditation we both looked up in the sky. Above was my Hawk, circling in the freedom that lay ahead of me. The circles of the Hawk’s flight path appeared to connect where I was that present moment, on my journey, and where I was headed (the resting spot of my father’s human form). The photo above is of my Hawk at the moment of my prayer, before continuing to the grave site.

There are many experiences with magnitude similar to that resulting from my experience shared above, of my encounters with what I now believe (know) is my Animal Spirit Guide, the Hawk. Following the transition of my Deer-headed Chihuahua Caesar, I have looked for and seen my Falconiformes Spirit Guide every day. Following are a few photos of my Hawk that I have been fortunate enough to capture with my camera recently.

(I was not ready with the camera for this shot.)

As I stared writing this morning, I quickly realized there are too many experiences to share in one Post; therefore, I conclude this Posting with the intention of subsequent Posts related to this subject.


Today, Wednesday, 16 January 2013, marks the one-week anniversary of the departure of my beloved companion and dear family member, Caesar Grilley, from the form of existence I am familiar with to his true home.  Caesar had a very special meaning in my life, at the same time, assisting in changing it forever. For that and so much more, I will be forever grateful!

This last week was full of opportunities to experience difficult emotions, such as denial, anger, sadness, depression, guilt, abandonment (ah, there is a childhood wound that may surface in subsequent writings), etc. I felt every stage of grief, except for that of ‘bargaining’; at least on a conscious/aware level. My experience as resulted in the awareness that the stages of grief are not always exhibited in a particular order; I experience each multiple times, and in various, mixed, sequences.  Not desiring ‘acceptance’ to feel “left out” of this entry, I shall share that I have reached the stage of acceptance over Caesar’s ‘return home’ at least fifty times during the last seven days!

One purpose of my first blog/journal (not sure what to call it yet) entry is to share one particular experience from today’s one-week anniversary.  I spent the day, and the majority of this last week with Caesar’s collar fashioned into a bracelet, which I wore on my right wrist.  This morning I visited a Spiritual center I am familiar with for a meditation, reading, and prayer that initiated at 12:15 p.m. (occurs daily). Following the conclusion of the reading I spent time alone in continued mediation. Transition from my time of meditation to prayer, I grasped Caesar’s identification tag, which is attached to the collar/make shift bracelet, with my left hand. Holding his name, and in a sense his essence/Being, I prayed for some sort of message or sign to be provided to me, related to my beloved Caesar. 

I knew following the reading I would gently dip my hand into a glass bowl, near the exit of the meditation room, which contains hundreds of prayers/affirmations, rolled into tiny scripts, held together by bands. For years these scripts have been a source of direction and divine communication for me and to me. Comfort, strength, affirmation, support, and caution, are a few of the reoccurring messages provided to me, through these scripts, from Source. 

Still grasping Caesar’s identification tag with my thumb and index finger from my left hand, I asked that a message on how Caesar was doing be provided to me, in the form of one of the scripts.  Departing the room I reached in and pulled three scripts.  1) for my dear friend I would be meeting later, 2) for myself, and 2) to me about my little buddy Caesar. 

Shortly after pulling the three scripts I met my friend for coffee and conversation.  I took one of the three scripts and slide it across the table. “Here you go; free of charge!” A second script was pulled from the left inner jacket breast pocket, and read; this one was for me.  Finally, the moment had come.  I was ready, wanted, and perhaps believed it was time for me to hear about Caesar.  I shared with my dear friend my prayer and that this last, unbound script, was going to be a message about my liberated teacher of unconditional love.  Sliding off the band, I unraveled the script and lay it across the table.  Following is a photograph of the message from/about Caesar.

The above is one of five evident, impaction messages I believe that I have received from Source during this last difficult week. I look forward to sharing my experience related to the other messages in time.

Blessings and Love!