On 1 July 2011 I had received information for the first time stating that my father, Kenneth, had died/transition on 16 July 1984. For approximately 37 years before 1 July 2011 I had made a handful of very fearful inquiry attempts, which never resulted in any information of significance.  When I finally realized my strength and willingness to connect with my father and initiate a relationship, I was provided with information that was 27 years old. 

On 2 July 2011 I entered the Cowlitz County Cemetery, which is located in Castle Rock, Washington, after making the journey from Sacramento, California, by vehicle, with my supportive wife. Prior to proceeding into cemetery I became mindful and aware of 37 years questions and not knowing, which started to lift the flood gates that held back years of pain and suffering. Examples include guilt, attachment, abandonment, sadness and shame, to just name a few.  Other, more favorable emotions, such as connection, forgiveness and love, occupied a small space in my awareness, during the moment when I turned off the asphalt road and proceeded up the slightly included gravel road, which let me further down my journey and to the cemetery.  The difficult emotions dominated this moment!

About the midway point along the gravel path I stopped and prayed…prayed for  ‘thy will’, and certainly ‘MY WILL’. I prayed for nothing…perhaps everything! Strength, support, love, reassurance and comfort were the obvious attributes that were quickly loosing a battle to the Ego, as I grew close to my moment of ‘releasing and letting go’. While in meditation and prayer, my wife and I each heard the screech of, what we assumed to be a red tailed hawk, but a hawk for certain!

In a previous blog entry titled “Demands, Hawks, and Spirit Guides” I wrote about the use of the hawk in as a divine tool to provide me with messages.  The first blog entry photography is of the prayer-answered hawk, courtesy of my iPhone.  

Seeing this hawk in the moment of prayer and meditation provided me the knowing awareness that although I never really had a father or even a solid male role model / mentor during my first 20 years of existence, I was never truly without a father…

The following is a video that I took during the divine-father-hawk encounter, again with my iPhone.

I had forgotten that I had this video in my position until about an hour prior to this blog posting. I take photographs and video whenever I can because there exists the potential within me to forget that I am never really alone. Photographs and videos, as well as through sharing experiences with others, provides me with a grateful reminder.

My subsequent post to this one will be related to my experience at the burial site. The purpose behind this post and my subsequent posting is my desire to know authenticity and vulnerability.  The subject around fatherhood is ranks in the highest level of vulnerability for me and my experiences.

Blessings and love!

Leave a Reply.